“And just like that,” dating culture has become an entirely different world since the airing of HBO’s television series Sex and the City. The show follows four women living in New York City in the late 90s. While a big focus of the series is on their relationships, there is also a lot of interesting commentary on beauty standards, politics, and friendship.
Carrie Bradshaw is a journalist who writes about dating in the city, and famously calls herself a “sexual anthropologist” in the pilot episode of the show. Charlotte York is a more sexually reserved art dealer who is focused on finding her knight in shining armor. Miranda Hobbes is a successful lawyer with a more cynical approach to dating, and her career-first mindset often leads her to disapprove of the other women’s focus on romance. Samantha Jones is a public relations professional who is also very sexually liberal, and she remains detached from any long-term relationships.
Dating culture seems to have changed drastically since the show’s release. For one, I think the internet and cellphones have made a huge difference in how people compare the series to the present. But we also have endless buzzwords from the internet to describe our relationships, including but not limited to situationships, avoidant attachment style, beige flags, icks, ghosting, soft launches, and so much more. But is it really that different from the ‘90s when we have just slapped some weird names on different behaviours?
Throughout the entire show, Carrie has an on and off again relationship — or a situationship, if I may — with the infamous Mr. Big, whose real name isn’t revealed until the end of the show. If anyone is patient zero of the avoidant attachment style coined by TikTok, it would be him. He consistently leads Carrie on before pulling away every single time. The only thing that keeps me convinced that he likes Carrie is that he keeps coming back, but every time he leaves, my doubt builds.
One thing I really dislike about all these different terms for things that the internet has made up is that it does not allow you to live your relationships genuinely or without overanalyzing them. Incompatibility is real, but do we really need names for every single little behaviour we experience in relationships? Focusing on fitting your partner into all of these weird boxes distracts you from properly assessing the foundational questions of whether or not your relationship is healthy, and if you and your partner are happy.
Charlotte is shown to be picky about her relationships throughout the show, and she even ends a relationship that was going smoothly because they had different tastes in dinnerware. This is not described by her as an “ick” or “beige flag,” just something that she thought was a difference of compatibility while demonstrating how high her standards are.
Rhetoric on TikTok has so many weird “theories” to approach your relationships with. There is this weird saying that goes “date them til you hate them,” basically saying you should remain with your partner until their flaws are so unbearable that breaking up is an easy task. While I think you could easily say that applies to Miranada’s on and off again relationship with Steve, a bartender who lives a different lifestyle than her, it does not alleviate any toxicity.
The second time Miranda and Steve get back together, they stay together until Miranada can no longer stand him — he gets an annoying puppy, they have very different sleep schedules, and worst of all: she finds skidmarks in his underwear while doing his laundry. This leads to them having a very bad breakup and
Even though I do not find Samantha’s inclination towards casual relationships personally appealing, I believe she has one of the best approaches to relationships out of the four main characters. She knows what she wants, she is very confident in herself, and she is quite good at communicating her wants and needs with her partners.
One of the most important messages of this show is that there is no distinct formula for finding love, happiness, and fulfillment. When approaching romantic relationships, and even friendships, remain open minded and keep your well-being and joy as a core priority.
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